Okay I am *sick* of this

[xp_dazzler]

I cannot anymore. I give up. I admit defeat.

I give in.

I will give $100 to anyone who can explain the plot of Cats to me in a coherent way that I can understand. (It's for a thing. Don't ask). And I don't mean that CGI abomination that came out that we all love to loath. I mean the proper, ALW musical.

Comments

[xp_banshee]

Ah, Ali-love. I don't think that's... well. The internet says this:

It is based on the 1939 poetry collection Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T. S. Eliot. The musical tells the story of a tribe of cats called the Jellicles and the night they make the "Jellicle choice" by deciding which cat will ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come back to a new life.

I'm not sure what that means, per se. I suppose going back to the actual poetry might help?

[xp_dazzler]

If I were there in person this is where I'd dramatically throw myself on a nearby couch or something. I know what like, half those words mean? But like, it doesn't make any sense? I'd already found that description and it's so incredibly useless. As was the more in-depth plot explanation on Wikipedia too.

[xp_banshee]

Seems like they're picking someone to die, honestly.

[xp_dazzler]

...is it wrong that I feel like that's a more coherent explanation than what the truth actually is? Because I don't think that's right, but it feels like it should be.

[xp_banshee]

I mean. Aren't they talking about going to cat heaven?

[xp_dazzler]

I... maybe? The Heaviside Layer is like, an actual atmospheric layer though? It's like 90km above the ground, but it's a real thing I think.

[xp_banshee]

Right, but also it's a lovely little metaphor or bit of wordplay for actual Heaven.

[xp_dazzler]

Ugh.

Okay.

Space heaven cats. Why not?

[xp_banshee]

If it helps, Eliot was probably heavily drunk when he wrote it?

[xp_dazzler]

It doesn't, lol. But thanks.

[xp_darcy]

Extensive amounts of alcohol and possibly opium as well.

[xp_dazzler]

Honestly that's what I'm gathering lol

I just... have a headache.

[xp_darcy]

The alcohol bit's known. The opium was more Eliot's first wife's thing, but I wouldn't be surprised that he had his own cough syrup on the reg.

[xp_dazzler]

I.. I mean, this explains a lot? But does not actually answer the question?

[xp_darcy]

Eliot was a drunkard that wrote nonsensical verse about cats for the kiddies, and ALW has never met a challenge that he wouldn't musically say "Come at me, bro" to. (See also: Starlight Express)

[xp_dazzler]

Oh christ I'd forgotten about that.

Thank you for the reminder. I'll be billing you for my therapy.

[xp_darcy]

I didn't even mention Bad Cinderella! (Although the book for that isn't nearly as bad as the poor showing says it is, imo.) Or Whistle Down the Wind!

[xp_cypher]

Ah yes, Starlight Express, the musical that dared to ask...

What if trains were horny?

[xp_darcy]

Thomas needed to be a thicc boy

[xp_cypher]

Thomas The Twink Engine

[xp_darcy]

I'm sorry darling, you're a little too old to be a twink these days.

[xp_dazzler]

I hate you both <3

[xp_darcy]

Love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Ali

We can talk Evita instead, that's one of his genius musicals.

[xp_liono]

it's not hard.

a bunch of cats gather in a junk yard to decide who is going to die and go to heaven to be reborn as a new cat. while they're there, they decide to explain who is a jellicle cat (which is all cats) and tell their individual stories to pass the cat-lore down the generations.

[xp_banshee]

That's what I thought, the whole dying thing.

[xp_liono]

I mean yeah. and reincarnation. cause that's fun.